One Moment Makes All The Difference

One Moment Makes All The Difference

by Aashdoda 

© April 14, 2011

         Going about my day seemed so simple, a day like any other.  Thinking back every day of my life that means the most whether good or bad seemed like just another day but I felt a peace about it I could not explain.

        The day my Grandfather, whom the sun literally rose and set on his shinning bald head, came to visit to give me a perfect memory of Christmas Eve was like every day.  The sun rose and set with a world of wonder in between.  The day my children were born and killed was unusually calm.   How could I have known my life would forever shatter beyond seemingly possible repair on a clear blue sky day, changing the very course of my life like nothing else can?  It looked like every day.  How could I have known my own life was to be sacrificed that day in the process of trying to save them, and that God would send me back not once but twice?  The day I received my college entrance letter was quiet and unassuming as every other.  I was both terrified and thrilled my life was going to begin with a bright future.   The day I realized I had the forgiveness within me to give my parents for the horrors they left as their legacy to me was as normal as could be yet life altering.  The first time I fell in love came and went like today, as did my broken heart that took several years to heal.

        Every day, every life altering event in my life has occurred upon a day like any other.  Here I thought I was just going to start dating again and I logged onto a website only to see a very handsome dark haired man with long tanned legs smiling at me from ear to ear.  The picture was screaming on my computer screen to pay attention.  I did and the day was just like every day in my life, moving me through the mysterious path God had laid before me to follow into destiny.  "The internet wasn't where I'd find what I was looking for."  I secretly allowed myself to hear my voice admit.  I knew I could find something to pass the time, have fun, meet men I'd like to spend time with, maybe even find a few friends to ride motorcycles with.  This one face stood out in my mind.  The long distance relationship of 1,000 miles was the last thing I wanted.   Somehow I missed that fact until after the email was sent.  I gazed at his picture and I wondered what was I doing?  "There is no way that handsome man will go for this inquiry despite the fact I know I am worth it, have everything to offer an intelligent scientist, possess a heart any man would jump to know."   I laughed at myself.  I knew I wasn't being cocky or arrogant.  Yes, I was confident having searched my soul for years, tended my emotional health and healing processes diligently for a day to ultimately be ready for love once more.  I was ready for the love people dream of and so few ever do, find a man with a like mind and heart in the same vein of pure honesty willing to chance it all and throw all caution to the wind including reason.  "Well," I considered my email already out of my grasp on its path, "at least I'll learn something about dating."

        To my joy this amazing sweet hearted man replied to my query.  I didn't know what to think but this was a day just like every day in my life, quietly understated in the shadow of the beauty of the Rocky Mountains so majestically towering above the horizon well over 14,000 feet about sea level.  It was the way he'd written about himself and what he was looking for that had made me leap off the cliff without a care in the world thinking only of fun.  I wouldn't play with his heart but I wanted to learn from his search.  When I saw the distance between us I was terrified, my worst case scenario was at hand.  I stepped without thinking, I thought at first, but remembered all the times I'd done that and it had been exactly what I needed to do to learn some morsel of wisdom that had become invaluable.

        It was the night I realized I was falling in love with the sweetest kind man I'd met since my Grandfather that struck me how preciously warm I'd felt all day thinking it was just another day that amazes me still.  I have known a peace all day today that belonged to the greatest joy of healing and hope and wonder that exists.  Love in the depths of intimacy had its way with me which I never saw coming.  I was both frustrated at what I started for one instant when fear crept in, and a glimpse of terror seized hold of me because this man I had be conversing deeper and deeper into the interiors of my being where my heart was safe was forcing a well of emotions to gush like a geyser toward the surface.   My heart was telling me the doors have been completely open for a while now but it is time to let go of a thorn I couldn't remove until tonight.  This thorn isn't pain or anything that is simply life.  It is a thorn that had a hard shell to protect the precious seed germinating within that was born to be the most lovely intricate design God had planned for me and my lovingly heart strong man all along.  The shell has been cracked, that's what I was feeling as the seed placed upon the fertile soil of intimacy without the hindrance of physical contact for the moment as it would hinder reaching the depths it needs to be planted in.

             I went looking for wonder and that's precisely what I have found, a manly soul filled with it and all the tenderness and thoughtful expressions a woman could dream of yet I realize this is only the tip of the iceberg.  Am I ready for this passionately intense mystery to come to fruition?  Absolutely without a single doubt so uncharacteristic of me there is no hesitation inside of me.  He is what I have prayed for, longed for, hoped and dreamt of.  Here he is in one single moment, the moment that makes all the difference he tells me he knew the moment he saw my picture that he was in love, that I am the woman for him.

        How are men so certain?   Why did God wire them to see so clearly from a thousand miles away the woman made for them?  All I can say is thank God he also wired them to relentlessly pursue the woman of their deepest heartfelt desires and dreams!
 

        "Will you accept a rose from me?"   He asked so unexpectedly I heard him literally serving his very heart on a platter to me with a world of hope glittering the plate more brightly shinning than the sun itself.

         I thought he had a way to email or instant message me the rose.  Suddenly I realized I think too small when he said, "they will be there Friday."  Tears filled my eyes as my body melted like goo all but sliding right onto the floor.  No one had ever done this for me, spoken so honest and open, sharing their heart on the line between joy and devastation, reached out in love to soothe my very soul with the gentle whispers of his true intentions to woo me in courtship with a gift of chivalry.

         "Is this too good to be true?  Am I kidding myself?  How can this be so sudden?"  The question remained could I be objective and listen to the answers.

        I was glad he couldn't see my mascara running down my face leaving me with raccoon eyes and streams of glistening heavenly pools of wonder overwhelming me rushing to feed the seed faith held in trust for this very moment.  All my dreams were coming true.  The seed was being fed it's very first drink of purified water blessedly divinely inspired so that it may at last become all it is meant to be.  The very best in me sprang forth as he professed his love.  So why did I still feel fear?

       
       I was in awe of this ordinary day and this extraordinary moment.  All the years I'd worked so hard to reach my goals to be a better woman, the best woman within me to be, the woman the man I was designed for and he for me..., would we recognize each other as the kindred spirits I felt.  God's mysterious ways had struck like lightening without a moments warning changing everything for the best, the faith I'd held onto would finally see the only reward I've ever wanted, love.  As the moment thundered through my body I knew without a doubt I had begun falling in love with this man, perhaps from the moment my eyes fell upon his charming masculine tanned face and genuine smile.  His long tanned legs certainly made him ever so memorable to my eyes.

        As the echoing rolls reverberated in every fiber of my being I thought how the faint beginnings of this amazing storm had begun with his first email.  It had unnerved me simply because he saw right through me and into my heart stating what I was looking for, "a best friend and eternal companion with a sense of humor".  How he knew I couldn't say, what he saw in my words could only be of divine inspiration because only to him was I transparent.  He said what I had to give any man would be "lucky, honored and proud to have in his life."  His words touched my heart with a sweetness that woke me as no words ever had since my children were born.

       
       For all the years of working to be ready for this moment I was once again more certain than ever I had done all the right things I needed to do to create the moment, work for this moment, and now accept this moment as the beginning of all good things to come.  I had traveled every road I needed to, many I hadn't enjoyed or wanted to but knew I must or give up the hope of ever seeing love again.  Here I sat starring at the love coursing through the computer screen and all I could think was that this one moment makes all the difference!