by Aashdoda
© May1, 2011
Laying on my back in the tall grassy mountain meadow I can hear the stream trickling nearby as I stare straight up squinting from the brilliant sun. The rich deep blue sky makes the milky white cotton clouds stand out like a sheet of canvas upon which the tree's upper most leaves dance gently about. I'm lost up there in the clouds without a care in the world. It isn't like I don't have anything to do today. I just realized my spirit needs the food I can't get anywhere else. Time is irrelevant here and my heart begins to settle as the sun tans my skin. Ah, the peace of the Rocky Mountains fills my soul like nothing else. Alas I am a awash with mixed emotions wondering if he sees the same sky as I, if in fact he's thinking of me at all.
Will the endless turmoil of love have its crazy way of making me blissfully insane or will it be requited saving me from heartbreak and quench my thirst? Absence is supposed to make the heart grow fonder but I find that it really only hurts. Yes, I want him, miss him and even find my independent nature slipping away with the icy chill of needing him and it unsettles me for a reason I don't understand. I asked for this, I think, knowing I'm the one that went looking for a companion, not entirely convinced I believed love was going to come my way another time. There is no magic cut off age. Love simply comes when we are ready. It's easy to be willing but to be ready is something altogether different. The proverbial question is what am I ready for? Only God knows. I think today I'm glad I don't.
The two way street of love I have prepared myself to be ready to have and to walk has found me. As our intimacy deepens and our relationship grows time seems to be irrelevant for I am soaring up there in the clouds like a hawk gently gliding from thermal to thermal, running a ridge, and popping over the top to find an expanse of wonder my sharp eyes will never forget. It's just that lately some of the rises scare me more than I think they should. I dive in for a closer intimate look but details are missing, facts to check and re-check and verify. Still the time passes with little notice. Every detail I take in is written in my mind and heart reminding me why I've worked so hard to be the best person I could possibly become. I did it for my own sake so that when this moment came I'd find a man of like mind and heart that would take my hand and walk with me, work with me, no chaos and fighting just sharing the loads of life while loving up a storm together in each other's arms or at just a glance.
Where this road goes I haven't a clue for it rises higher than the Continental Divide poking it's snow capped head above the clouds. The smell of the mountain air is crisp and clean, pure and so refreshing. Ah, but it is the taste of love that's ever so sweet my mind and body are simply reeling from somewhere beyond the reaches of everything and everyone. I'm literally blissfully lost!
Everyone I meet wants to know what's happened to me. A few nail it down and pointedly say, "You look like a woman in love."
Men are attracted to me like bees to honey and I don't care for I only have eyes for the one I love. "My heart is taken," I finally say and then they will let me be. What must they be thinking? I wish they could feel what I feel. My wish is for everyone everywhere to know the love I have been so amazingly blessed with, for it to be theirs with their special someone! Alas, I know not everyone travels the same road or is willing to do the hard emotional work to get here.
For years I wondered if my life was cursed. The sorrows and hardship were too many to bear yet when I learned the wisdom of hindsight I saw there had to be a reason I was paying the price I was. Today I know exactly what that reason is, to make me who I prayed to become that such a fine honest and thoughtful man, so tender hearted and giving, would see all that I've become and love me as I am. I love without reservation, throwing all caution to the wind. All sage advice including our mutual agreement to take it slow doesn't mean the heart will listen or my body will care. I am simply a woman in love. He is a treasure by which all are compared, so like the one that taught me to never settle for less, my Grandpa. He is mine as I am his, off the market and connected by a love that seems to know no limits save for acting from the purest of reason in me to be his hero with understanding and a smoldering passion that consumes me and drives me to bridge the insane thousands of miles that stand between us.
I've never done anything in my life half way or half hearted. If it was impossible it was going to happen to me. I don't know why I didn't think of this when it came to love. I give my all only this time I'm met part way. It's an enviable place to live because love makes the universe itself is no longer a limitation. This love propels me to worlds I couldn't dare to imagine and now so unexpectedly sent further still. My eyes wide open I see the facts as they are. Love magnifies everything if I only allow it so I can see clearly. Desires are what blind me at times so I've opted to follow the laws God gave me trusting in that ancient wisdom. Am I really seeing this clearly, something in me wants to know?
Something extraordinary happened. An angel whispered in my ear, "This is the path that was always intended."
Tears of joy fill me to overflowing. If there had to be a price to pay for this love, I'd live my life over from start to finish to land in this wonder. It matters not how long it lasts, it matters that it is and it belongs to me. There is wisdom in the caution with which I began but now it is time to let that go, throw it to the wind. It is time to embrace the art of soaring.
The only question left is will I land?
The only question left is will I land?
